Solemn Deceit
by Himitsu Miko
Summary: Ed commits suicide, leaving Al to pick up the remains of himself. "Those who write suicide notes want to be caught in the act." AlWin hints, but actual Elricest rated M for Character death suicide.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:**

**Warnings: **Suicide/Character death. Emo(ish)!Al. Graphic(ish?)

**Summary: **Ed commits suicide to fix a problem, leaving Al to fend for himself. No one knows what problem Ed killed himself to fix.

**Word Count: **1,463

**Solemn Deceit**

_Alphonse,_

_You're reading this. I know you are. There's no way in Hell that you're not. This is not a suicide note. Those who write suicide notes want to be caught in the act. I don't. That'd ruin everything I've planned. This is merely a note that should've been written, suicide or no. Though, suicide probably wasn't the best way to go about this, it was still an effective way and kind of an instinctive thing. I figured this needed to happen about a few minutes ago so this was the immediate solution that popped into my head. I guess I should've just slept and talked to you in the morning though._

_Oh, Al, you know how there are those fatal veins everyone knows about in your wrists, trailing up through your elbows and in both sides of you neck? Did you know there's a fatal vein in your thighs too? It's a lot easier to hide than your arms and wrists, don't you think? People never see your thighs. Well, unless you're stripping for them. But I don't strip for anyone, so all's well._

_...that made it sound like I've been thinking about this for forever, but, honestly-it was just a quick fix to a problem. I swear. You didn't do anything, I didn't do anything. No one did anything. I just wanted/needed to fix something so here I am doing just that. In the wrong way/ this'll put you through so much pain...._

_I.....I love you. I guess that could be blamed for why I committed suicide. It could be blamed on the fact that we were becoming too dependant on each other. But either way, you've got a fully capable body, I'm just glad I didn't come back from the gate missing more limbs for it. You've got a fine body. Use it how you will. Support yourself. I know you can._

_Alphonse....Al....My little brother....my love. I love you, don't let this destroy you. I didn't kill myself cause of you. I killed myself cause of things out of either of our control. _

_Honestly. Be good, take care of yourself. Winry can help you through this if you need help. I know she will._

_I love you, honestly, I do._

_~Edward_

Al continued to stare at the note for a few more emotionless seconds before turning his eyes to the curtains fluttering in the open window. There was blood on them. There was blood on the bed. There was blood on the walls. There was blood on the clothes in the closet. There was blood on the floor. Like it spurted everywhere after Ed committed one of the worst sins of Catholicism. Al was kneeling in a huge puddle of it. Ed's blood. Tears start seeping out of his eyes before they bulge slightly and his hands fly to his mouth and he stumbles up onto his feet and into the adjoining bathroom, trying his damnedest to run, emptying his stomach of foods and fluids that weren't there, note fluttering to the center of the blood pool, almost forgotten. He puked up his stomach acids for a few minutes before he started dry heaving.

When he finished, the fluids kept dripping from his lips, hands holding their death grip on the sides of the porcelain god in front of him, shock still setting in. Ed had killed himself. But....but that was impossible right? It simply was not possible....right? Someone had to have killed him and forced him to write that.....right? That would explain why there was no body. ......There was no body!

Al rushes back into Ed's room looking around frantically, feet planted firmly in the doorway. All he could see was the mass amounts of blood and the note sitting almost innocently in the middle of that huge puddle of blood. Blood. Al could feel the bile rising at the back of his throat again but he chocked it back as he forced his feet to move and he gave the room a though search, snatching up the note and stuffing it in his pocket. Under the bed, under the covers, hidden by the curtains, behind the dresser. The body was no where. But it said suicide. Al poked his head out the window looking downwards from their apartment building on the ninth floor. There was no body as far as he could see. Plus the police would've already bee here if there had been. The cops...!

Al scrambled to the phone on Ed's nightstand dialing the number for the local police office and reporting everything that had happened. He would've dialed 911 but he figured it wasn't something needing to be looked at immediately. He was starting to get small bits of rationality and common sense back. But very very slowly. He falls backwards, laying on his back on the blood stained sheets, blood on the bed, of his elder brother's bed, ignoring the blood stains on his pants, blood on his pants, from knee down from kneeling in the puddle and ignoring the blood he could feel soaking though the back of his shirt, blood on his shirt. The blood was still at least slightly fresh for it hadn't dried yet. Oh god, the blood. Al was starting to feel not quite sane-rational but not sane.

Al heard sirens through the open window, but he felt completely numb. He couldn't move. Couldn't feel his limbs. Oh god the _blood_! He focused on moving and on moving alone until the uniforms made it into Ed's former room. He ignored the crimson torture all around him in the sinful room that used to be his brother's. _Blood_, oh lord, save me.

"What happened?" the one seeming to be in charge asks and Al turns his head slightly to look at him blankly and emotionlessly. Numb. That's what he felt. Numb. Utterly and completely numb. And he could _feel_ the blood, seeping crimson, into his shirt, feel it staining his legs from where he kneeled in it. But yet he was numb. He couldn't move. He couldn't care.

"My brother killed himself," He says with the flattest monotone ever known to mankind. He was completely void of emotions. He was in shock. He was surprised he could talk. Well if he could feel he'd be surprised. All the _blood_, surrounding me. Suffocating me.

"Any evidence?" Al manages to put his hand in his pocket and hand the officer the crumpled letter. He reads through it while everyone else does a through search of the room, just like he had done earlier. They find no body and no signs of suspicious activity like someone stealing the body as Al was questioned about anyone that'd do this to Ed or who'd steal his dead body. Al said he honestly didn't know. He could only think of the blood. Blood and numbness consuming him, eating him. Oh dear god, the _blood._ The officer hands the note back to Al, flipping his pocket sized notebook closed and putting it back in his chest pocket.

"It seems it was a suicide," He says. "All things point to it."

"Then why's his body missing?" Al asks desperately. Feeling was coming back, but all the wrong ones. The ones he never felt since his mother died. The over whelming _urge_ to join them in the afterlife. Oh, _blood_...

"We don't know. But if he's still alive somewhere-though it would seem he's not-he doesn't want to be found. We've got our plates busy as is, we can't go searching for a body with nothing even remotely suspicious around the death." With that the officers file out of the house just as neat and orderly as they came in. Al's dead eyes drift to the doorway as he sees Winry standing in the doorway wide-eyed and hands over her mouth. Al concluded he must've blacked out for a while. Before the cops came. Blood splattering everywhere. Winry looked horrified and Al dully wondered if it was the blood everywhere, Ed's death, or the blood all over him, so much _blood_. Maybe it was a combination of the three.

"Winry," he says it quietly but in the deathly silence that was all they needed. She runs into the room and launches herself at Al, sobbing, the blood all over him temporarily forgotten and Pinako continues to stand in the doorway, analyzing the scene-or so it seemed. The feel of Winry's tears dampening his shirt melted him into crying too. No longer numb. No longer sane. No longer rational. He was now an emotional wreak. Ed's note had said to have Winry take care of him if he couldn't do it himself, and it looked like he couldn't. The police quietly slip from the room, not wanting to disturb the moment.

**A/N: **this is not really an AlWin fic, though it'll have hints. It may be unrequited, might not. I dunno yet. But, it's, in the end, Elricest. But the only way for that to be is kinda almost necrophilia. So it's one sided yearning and finding solutions in a real person that's been right there with you no matter what. I guess that means He doesn't like Winry....? Score! Inspired by having "Tourniquet" by Evanescence stuck in my head and looking up what stupid people thought the song meant. People are really stupid online.

Your Loving Author

~Evelynn


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Solemn Deceit

**Warnings:** Emo(ish)!Al.

**Summary: **Ed commits suicide to fix a problem, leaving Al to fend for himself. No one knows what problem Ed killed himself to fix.

**Word Count: **

The next few days passed in that blur that always veiled over your eyes and memory when depressed. Al never remembered getting out of bed. Or eating for that matter. All he remembered was moving to Winry's house and all the _blood_ from the suicide. He hadn't even changed clothes. Using the restroom must've been a subconscious act, for no evidence was left of that on him or his clothes. He felt filthy, he knew the stains from the blood touching his skin were going to stay for a while. He knew the tormented and agonized undertone in his eyes may never go away. But after three days (or was it more?) he decided to get up and be useful. He needed something to do to get his mind off of the bloody torment.

First he started with a shower. A good long one. One that started cold to wake him up and then he turned warm to relax. He puts on new clothes feeling slightly better and wanders into the kitchen to see if there was anything to munch on to get his blood sugar back on track. He finds some cheese and crackers and a bottle of water and he carries them out to the living room. There, he sees Winry sitting on the couch staring blankly at the turned off TV screen.

"Winry?" Al says around the food he had stuffed in his mouth and goes to sit by her.

"I can't believe he's actually dead. Dead and gone." She says in a hollow voice, sounding like she wasn't there in the present. Her eyes start to tear up and she buries her face in her hands. Tears escape out of her hands in between her fingers getting her work sweats wet and when she sniffled she sounded so pathetic that Al almost broke too. Almost. Instead he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, hugging her from the side, and rocking slightly back and forth.

"I'm...I'm sorry," Winry says after a few minutes, pushing away from Al. "I'm sorry. I'm so needy and dependant, really you're the one that should be crying right now." When Winry was off of her leave for Ed's death, she had to go back to Rush Valley and when she did that, Al decided he needed a job so he could support himself. Maybe he'd try to be a state alchemist-in honor of his brother, to get him out of wallowing in self-pity.

"It's ok. I'm done being depressed. I'm done crying," He says to her with the slightest smile, eyes level with hers. She sniffles once before crashing her lips desperately onto Al's. Al reacts with a start and then decides to go along with it. A kiss didn't mean much....right? 'specially in desperation. When Winry pulls away he turns his gaze to the side.

"Al...." Winry trails off shaking her head. She wipes the last of the tears from her face and sniffles one last time. "Why are you so determined not to cry? So determined to show no emotion, just like Edward?"

Al turns his head to match where his eyes were looking, flinching slightly at comparison to his brother. "I....I guess I'm kinda used to it. When I was a suit of armor I could, in a sense, cry but there were no tear ducts for tears to come from. Plus it'd always make brother sad to see me cry without tears." Al shrugs.

Winry slowly reaches a hand up and puts it on Al's cheek, making him face her again. "You don't have to hold it back around me," she says. Al shakes his head.

"Even so, tears don't change anything." Al stands abruptly and turns his back to her, head bowed as he remembered all the times crying-tearless or no, crying had never brought anything with it.

"Al, you've changed so much. You sound like Ed now." Winry says flinching at, yet another, unconscious comparison between the two brothers. Al bows his head lower and goes back to his room, closing the door behind him. Food left forgotten on the coffee table.

He said he was done crying. He said tears don't do anything. He knew it too. If all that was true, then why was moisture welling up at the corners of his eyes threatening to fall? He falls to his knees sobbing quietly into his hands, trying to decide if this was better or worse than the numbness of the past days.

Eventually, he got the tears to stop and he walks across the room to get tissues to get the water and snot off his face and hands. He needed a daily routine to get his mind off of the suicide. He needed his life back. He needed his older brother. Al shook that thought away as he threw away the tissues used to clean himself up and cough twice. He turns, looking out his window and deciding he needed to go outside and get some fresh air. The only thing being, he didn't want all the sympathy from the few people still living in the town of which he grew up.

Maybe life wouldn't be _too_ bad. Different, sure. Ed had been Al's everything. But maybe it wouldn't be bad. What was it that Roy once told him? Life is what you make it. Maybe he was right. If he took this the wrong way, he'd look back to hate himself for it. But if he played it fine, then he'd be able to look back and be fine.

Al's stomach growled and he glared at it. His gaze then turned to the single clock in his room. Maybe he'd have lunch at his mother's grave. Ed would be buried beside her....if hia body had been at the scene. He'd still have a funeral, but no body would be there to be buried. Seems like déjà vu...

Al sighs, deciding to wait a little before eating and leaves his room to go sit by Winry again. A little moral support wouldn't hurt.

**A/N:** the chick on the cover of the book I finished a couple days ago is so hot XD but it's not like you care that much, Neways. Not like you can see the book XP

Read and review!

Your loving Author

~Evelynn


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Solemn Deceit

**Warnings:** Emo(ish)!Al.

**Summary: **Ed commits suicide to fix a problem, leaving Al to fend for himself. No one knows what problem Ed killed himself to fix.

**Word Count: **936

**Solemn Deceit**

A funeral just didn't feel right without a casket being lowered into the ground. It's just a congregation of people in black morning the death of someone who we can't prove as really being dead or, at lease, know where is. Sure it probably happens a lot, what, with people donating their bodies to science and all. Al felt a shiver run up his spine as he slid his tie out of its knot and shrugged off the suit jacket. It had been a tear-filled ceremony, and, surprisingly, he was on of the ones not crying. The other's being Colonel Mustang, Lieutenant Hawkeye, and Havoc. Al even had to speak in front of everyone about how good of a brother Ed was. Sure he choked but didn't cry. Not a single tear shed.

Al sighs and lets himself fall face first onto his bed, wondering where the hell Ed is, he'd find some kind of closure just _knowing_ where his brother's body was. After laying there until it got slightly harder to breathe, Al stands up and walks into the bathroom adjoining his room to shower. Maybe it's help him relax. Maybe not. But he could at least try, right?

When Al left the bathroom, towel around his waits, he finds Winry sitting on his bed. For the next few seconds, awkwardness ensured as they stared at each other. "Grab clothes, go back, change, then I'll talk to you." Winry says finally, slight smile in her voice. Al nods and quickly grabs some clothes from his dresser, doing a complete 180 and going back into the bathroom and changing. When he stepped out again, Winry had a small amused smile on her face. It was better that the far away and depressed look she had before.

He sits next to her. "What's up?" He asks. She was still in her simple but elegant pitch black dress and matching strappy heels, a nice contrast to her blonde hair and bright blue eyes. It was low cut and shot, on any other occasion would leave some wanting to touch, bur this was a funeral and all thoughts like that were left at home and not picked back up until drowned in alcohol and waking up with a hangover.

"I just....I just don't want to be alone right now. I don't' want to think," She says shaking her head slowly, the smile disappearing from her face. Al wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him, he clutch purse in her lap.

"Things will be back to...semi-normal soon enough. All you need to do is get back to your job tomorrow and start a routine. Sure Ed won't be coming back again and again with broken auto-mail, but I'll come back often enough. I'll tell you about my travels and you'll tell me about funny things happening at Rush Valley. Everything will be fine. Trust me. At least you won't have a burden to forever carry as a reminder of a stupid thing you did trying to make everything right again. Sometimes life happens to you, sometimes you happen to life."

Winry's quiet for a bit before saying so softly Al barely heard her. "I....I guess you're right." She sighs and leans her head on Al's shoulder. "I'm so helpless." She says pitifully.

"You're not helpless. You're grieving. You've got fear guilt and shock all mixed together and you feel needy and helpless. That's what grief does to one. I know this isn't the real you." Al solemn expression turns to a joking smile "Otherwise you'd find a way to bring Ed back and then kill him again with your wrench."

Winry offers a small smile in return. "That's true."

"Now, com on, lets get ready to head into Rush Valley so you can work tomorrow. Wash up, I'll be waiting." Al smiles standing and offering a hand to help Winry. She takes it with a smile, kisses Al on the cheek and leaves the room for hers. Al sighs before turning around, finding his shoes, and stuffing his feet into them. He had enough clothes in his suitcase to last him so he just zipped it up, donned the red coat Ed left behind with his suicide and went to wait for Winry in the living room.

Winry came out of her room dressed in her normal work sweats and tube top, dragging a small suitcase behind her. Al smiles at her. "Now all we need to do is say good-bye to granny Pinako," He says "Wherever she is."

Just then Pinako enters the room and looks at the two teens. "Leaving so soon?"

"I have to get back to work," Winry answers with a small smile. "And Al's going to test to become a state alchemist, like Ed did."

"Off you go, then." She says shooing them off. They both give a small smile and a polite bow before leaving for the train station. The both give her a small smile and polite bow before leaving for the train station.

The walk there was silent for they were wrapped up in their own thoughts, organizing the routine that'd help them get over Ed's death. At the train station they both get tickets to Rush Valley. At the questioning look from Winry, Al explains he was going to ride with her to Rush Valley and then head to Central. She gives him a sweet smile of which he returns and he wraps his arm around her waist, kissing her forehead. They find an empty bench to sit on while they waited for the train to arrive.

**A/N: **ugh, this fic's gonna be so short DX but I have the whole thing planned. Meaning it's only gonna be about 10 chapters long my shortest fic ever DX

Read and Review!

Your Author

~Evelynn


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Solemn Deceit

**Warnings:** Emo(ish)!Al.

**Summary: **Ed commits suicide to fix a problem, leaving Al to fend for himself. No one knows what problem Ed killed himself to fix.

**Word Count:**754

**Solemn Deceit**

It was Al's second time to take the state alchemy exam he had even passed it last time, but got asked to drop out of the running in account for Ed, and he said ok. The exam hadn't changed much. The basic concepts were still there with a few new questions because, since Alchemy is a form of Science, it was still being found out and studied and evolving. They weren't too much of a hassle for the young brunette though, so it didn't take him too long to finish it. But that wasn't what he was worried about. It was the showing off your form of alchemy that stalled him. What was there to use? Hell what was his special form? He hadn't tried alchemy since Ed's death.

Al stood there looking at his hands for a bit before out of, I'd say muscle memory but he'd never done this before in his life, reflex, he clapped his hands and set them on the ground a dummy made of dirt suddenly standing before him. He stood up, clapped again, and set his hands on the shoulders and the figure started walking. Al was just as surprised as everyone else who was watching him, though he didn't show it. He had no clue that doing this was even possible. He wondered if he could possess people, not that he'd ever try, he was just curious. He let the figure walk for a bit before willing him to transmute another figure, trying to test the limits of this ability. The figure obeys and then crumbles in a pile of dirt as the next figure remains standing awaiting orders. Al wills it to walk back to him before having it crumble to the ground also.

He ignored the constant murmurs, be they good or bad he didn't know, probably both, from the watching crowd as he turned to face the Colonel. This was apparently his special ability, for he couldn't just use the whole clapping thing because that was what Ed had done. Mustang nods at him indicating he had passed. If Winry had been there, he'd offer a small smile to his superior officer, but since she wasn't here he didn't need to put on that façade. He didn't have to act happy, everyone who knew him and Ed would know why and completely understand.

Al follows Mustang and the others who had passed the alchemy exam back to the building, the Colonel parting the crowd like he was Moses parting the Red Sea (1). Al stays slightly behind and to the left of the Colonel for no reason other than it was slightly comforting.

They enter the building again and everyone was sent off to their own ways except for Al. He was, by body language alone, told to follow his superior, and so he did, all the way into the Fuhrer's office.

"Well, well, well, it seems to be ironic that you'd choose Al after choosing Ed a few years ago. Are you sure this isn't out of pity?" The Fuhrer asks swinging a state alchemist watch from his finger.

"I am sure. In fact, I believe his performance was better than Fullmetal's, and I'm not counting challenging me right afterwards." Roy answers.

King Bradley chuckles slightly before tossing the pocket watch at Al. the brunette catches it from reflex, head flinching away slightly. "You're name is now, the Animation Alchemist." Al looks at the watch before attaching it to his belt loop and deciding that when he got the chance he'd carve 3 oct 10 in his watch, only changing 11 to 10 because Al was ten when they burned the house, Ed was eleven.

Al looks up at Fuhrer King Bradley and smiles slightly, a real smile, not forced. "Thank you sir, I won't let you down"

"I don't doubt it," Bradley says with his slightly creepy smile and dismisses Al and Roy from the room.

"You're going to be working under me, just like your brother did but I'm not going any easier on you because you're better behaved than Fuulmetal, understand?" Roy asks leading Al to an exit of which he didn't have to pass all of the hopefuls.

"Yes sir," Al replies.

"And if you ever need to talk yo anyone, we all knew him too."

"Yes Colonel." Al nods then leaves to find a place to stay at while he's here, knowing that when he reported in the next day he'd be sent off on a mission.

**A/N: **ugh...so short I couldn't find a way to extend the chapter and it's bugging me. I have all the chappies planned. And if there's enough (if any) Winry haters I may be able to do a sequel to this fic. But if, once again, I only get one review, no sequel D: Well...you know the routine. Reviews make me happy and update! XD

**(1)** forgive me if that was wrong I can no longer be sure it was Moses or the Red Sea at this point cause it's been so long since I've been to church and much longer since I've heard the story

Your Author

~Evelynn


	5. Chapter 5

**Title**: Solemn Deceit

**Warnings:** Fantasy run, so to speak, Emo!Al OOC!Ed don't get too excited at the beginning!

**Summary:** Ed commits suicide to fix a problem, leaving Al to fend for himself. No one knows what problem Ed killed himself to fix.

**Word Count:** 1,463

**A/N:** ok, the beginning won't make much sense and Ed's (more than) kinda OOC, so just bear with me and read on. It will make sense soon enough. Also a fore note. I don't dream. Truly I don't. So if I jack this up horribly, I'm sorry ^^"

**Solemn Deceit**

"Al? Wake up," A voice drifts into Al's ears and his eyes flutter open.

"E-Edward? Brother?" He asks confused upon seeing the face above him that woke him up. The elder chuckles.

"You always sound so surprised. Come on, wake up or you'll ruin your sleeping pattern. Besides, I have to work today, it's not the weekend, remember?" The blonde teases playfully with a smile. He was already fully dressed and ready for work.

Al sits up in his bed. "But you were dead....you committed suicide. How can you be here, now?" Al asks genuinely puzzled.

Ed bows his head and looks away slightly. "It was a way..." He murmurs quietly, almost sheepishly.

"A way to what? And you still never answered my question." Al'd be happy later. When he wasn't confused. He'd be happy and celebrate the fact Ed wasn't dead-he'd call everyone and tell them. But right now, he was confused and wanted answers, dammit.

"A way to tell you something," Ed says pushing off the bed and standing up straight. He smoothes out his clothes. "Now I better be going so I'm not late."

"You know there's not a set time you have to be in by," Al deadpans. And sleepiness that had lingered was gone. Right now he was slightly mad. Why was Ed dancing around his questions? They told each other everything, right? When did that change?

"Al, don't be silly, of course there is." Ed says with that smile people have when trying to evade things, but a bit smoother and almost completely suave.

"No, you don't that's one of the things you always took pride in from becoming a state alchemist."

Ed's shoulders drop and he sighs. "Don't you remember, though? Once I turned 16, as soon as a war involving us sparks I have to be ready to leave at a pin's drop."

"What war?" Al asks standing in front of his brother. He hated sitting and talking to someone who was standing. Of course this way he was taller than his brother. With the boots.

"The one with Xing." Ed sighs again. "Starting by Ling and Mai coming over trying to find the secret in immortality. Ling found it in the form of sharing his body with Greed. So the Emperor wants it enough to start a war for the knowledge. Do you really not remember all of this?"

"Well, yeah, I do, but that was years ago. That war was only a year or two long, ended with a treaty and us handing over the recipe for a philosopher's stone. Plus you never got pulled in." Al replies. "So you have time to tell me why you're suddenly alive after suicide and what that suicide was _supposed_ to tell me."

Ed looks at the wall to his left before collapsing in the chair to Al's desk, and Al sits back down on his bed, but keeps his back straight, as to show he's serious. "It was in my note, you still have it." the blonde says opening the top drawer of the desk, pulling it out and tossing it to Al.

The brunette catches it and absently wonders how Ed was able to throw paper without it fluttering to the ground as he unfolds it and scans over it. Suddenly the elder of the two boys was behind him, chest to back, looking over his shoulder as to see the note. He points to the fourth paragraph. "There down. Reread it." Al was fully aware of the contact between him as his brother was sitting directly behind him, chin on shoulder. Al may be taller than his brother, but that height was mostly legs, so upon sitting they were about the same height.

The brunette starts where Ed had pointed reading the first four words, pausing, backtracking and reading them again, blinks and then continues with the next sentence. After done with that he does his best to keep his breath steady as he refolds it and sets it on his lap.

"You're done reading already?" Ed asks hands on his thighs, meaning they were touching Al's.

"I don't think I need to read the rest," Al says quietly pushing off the bed, away from Ed, and standing again, note fluttering to the ground from his lap. This was a dream it had to be. The note didn't say that...did it? Al keeps his back to his brother and walks across the room, leaning his head against the wall and closes his eyes, doing his damnedest to keep his breathing steady and not cry without it being completely obvious. Ed stays silent until Al re-lifts his head.

"You faked killing yourself because you love me?" Al manages to keep his voice steady, eyes still closed, despite the threatening tears. He didn't turn to face his brother that wouldn't help him at all.

"Not something I'm especially proud to admit, but yes, yes I did," Ed replies quietly and Al whirls around fast enough that the tears sliding don his cheeks start going sideways slightly.

"That's one twisted way of showing it! What? Are you ashamed of it? Is it so nasty **(1)** that you just can't live with yourself? Is that it? Because if it is, you could've at least _said_ something to me before you made me believe the lie!" Al yells before falling on his knees, sitting on his feet, face downcast with his hair shadowing it.

Ed was smart enough not to move. "Al....look, I'm sorry. If I told you anything, I might've gone back on my decision. And I don't know which would be worse, bringing you down with me, or leaving you in a depression. I decided depression 'cause at least I wouldn't've been there...." Ed says quietly, shame clear in his voice and kneels next to his brother on the floor. He knew that probably wasn't the right thing to say.

It takes a second, but eventually Al wipes his face of snot and tears and looks up at Ed. The younger, in a bout of determination, kisses the elder passionately, slipping his eyes closed. Ed goes along with it until Al pulls away for air. Once he caught his breath again, he whispered, "If it's so disgusting and horrible and vulgar and cruel, and I'm so innocent and pure, then why the hell do I love you too?"

Al sits up straight and looks around. What just happened? The dream comes back to him in one big rush that makes him lay back down and replay it. Once at the end he blinks a couple of times before suddenly sitting up again. He only _just_ realized the extent of his love for his brother. Talk about slow. But now, since he knows that, what's he going to do about Winry? He's already lead her on. Could he possibly blame it on depression and the fact she was the only on taking it as bad as him and showing it? No....that sounded shallow....but what other solution was there besides pretending she's Ed and playing along?

Al climbs out of his bed and kneels down by his suitcase, unzipping it and reaching into the small pocket inside the top of the bag, pulling out Ed's suicide note. He sits on the cool hardwood floor and rereads it making sure the dream was correct. He only read to the end of the second sentence in the fourth paragraph again before refolding it and putting it back where it was previously. If the note read the same in reality as it did in the dream, does that mean the logic behind everything was the same? No, no probably not. Dreams are just what you wish would happen. Your brain sorting through things and all.

Al climbs, dejectedly back into his bed. He couldn't find a way to tell Winry that he loved Ed and not her without it seem like he was playing her emotions. But that wasn't what he had been trying to do. He couldn't just push her away now. He promised he'd go visit her and if he didn't, she might get abandonment issues like he and Ed had had. He loved her enough to give her the truth and sugar coat it, but he didn't want to just shove it in her face and walk away either. Maybe pretending she was Ed would be enough. So long'd he never slipped she wouldn't know.

He goes back to his bed and lays down again only to find he was wide awake now and it wouldn't be possible to fall back asleep. He probably wouldn't be able to sleep if he was still slightly sleepy either though. Sleep wasn't going to come back to him for a while.

**A/N: **ok there, I made up, kinda, for last chapter with a word count of over 1400. damn.....i didn't want to stop writing that dream, it was just so perfect. Kinda life like in a way. And then I had to shatter it. Is that how dreams really are? Cause if it is I'm glad I don't dream and I'm glad I can't visualize things in my head. I don't want my hopes to get up for nothing.

Have you ever watched a movie enough to be able to recite full scenes on the spot? And while it's playing be able to say every line with the characters? Cause I have. The Final Fantasy 7 movie. It's good, I've watched it at least 15 times. ^^"

**(1) **OMG, I'm glad I went back and reread this before posting it. Instead of nasty, I typo'd and put tasty. That would've changed the meaning of the _whole_ sentence. ^^"

Your loving author

~Evelynn


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: **Solemn Deceit

**Warnings: **AlWin hints. Shoot me now DX

**Summary**: Ed commits suicide to fix a problem, leaving Al to fend for himself. No one knows what problem Ed killed himself to fix.

**Word Count: **1,019

**Solemn Deceit**

The first mission Al was sent on was a check up on Liore. Déjà vu much? Even though Rush Valley was completely out of the way of Liore from central and he really didn't want to visit Winry right as of now, Al decided to keep his promise and go visit her before his mission. Which was why he was standing in front of the door to the Automail shop Winry worked at. Pretend she was Ed, got it.

He took two very deep breaths, letting them out slowly, before pushing open the door and entering, causing the little bell above the door to ring.

"Just a second!" Winry calls from the back room. A few seconds later she appears in the front room, rubbing oil off her hands with an oil-stained towel, in her normal black mini tube top and grey-purple sweats. She opens her mouth to go through to normal greeting process, looking at the door, before her face breaks into a grin. Only then did Al realize how hard it'd be to pretend she was Ed. Winry slings the towel to rest on her shoulder and pushes herself up to sit on the edge of the counter.

"Hey Winry," Al says with a smile trying to force love into it along with the happiness that he actually felt. "How's work going?" He asks, walking closer. Sitting on the counter, she wasn't too much taller than him, just a couple of inches.

"Pretty good, normal. Did you pass the exam?" she asks, putting her elbows on her knees, head in hands, with a cheery smile still on her face. At the angle, if her tube top was any lower, Al would've been able to see down it. He was probably the only guy alive that was happy about it.

Al shows her his pocket watch with a triumphant smile. This he didn't need to fake. "It was pretty easy, actually," He says before sighing and putting the watch away. "I can't go and visit sensei now though..."

"I guess it's just a necessary sacrifice," She says giving the brunette a quick peck on the lips. "Everyone has to make many of those in their life." She gives him a sweet smile. At least when kissing it was easy to pretend she was Ed, there was no talking, voice pitch, or preppy/girl personality in a kiss.....was there?

"Yeah, guess so," Al sighs before smiling at the blonde sitting on the counter in front of him.

"So what's your first mission?" She asks, crossing her ankles putting her weight on her arms that were placed on the counter beside her so she was half laying on it.

"A check-up on Liore. It's not gonna be much. I'll probably stop by and say hi to Rose while there, though."

"Rose.... she was the one trying to bring her boyfriend back, right?" Winry asks, half lying on the counter, her head on her arms.

"Yeah, that's her," Al says.

"I hope she doing okay, loss of a loved one hurts."

Al gives a small almost unnoticeable flinch. "Yeah, it does," Al says looking down and to the side. Winry moves one of the arms from under her head, to rub Al's arm comfortingly.

"I know it was probably harder on you than me," She says softly in a soothing voice trying to cheer him up. Al wanted to flinch away from her hand and tell her she had no idea how hard it was on him, but he needed to keep this façade, this lie, if only for her. In time he may be able to convince himself that he loves her too. Though he doubted it.

"You reacted to it stronger than I did."

"That depends on how you look at it. You were the one that didn't move for five days. You didn't even eat or drink. I just cried my eyes out. You went from shock to numb to depression. I went from shock to denial to depression," Winry explains.

"You went through denial in five days?" Al asks surprised, looking back at her. The way she was laying, most guys would be wishing she was wearing a short skirt or dress so if they shifted slightly they could see up it. Al betted she wished she was wearing one too, personally, though, he was glad she wasn't. Sure if she did, he'd act like the hetero boy he was supposed to be, but he hoped to never have to do that.

"The five stages of grief can be flipped through as quickly as the brain can sort them out," She says with a shrug that looked lop-sided and weird from the position she was laying in. She lets her arm drop from Al's shoulder.

"True," Al says. Honestly, then main reason he had asked that question was to get the subject off of him. He wasn't good at talking about himself.

"Anything specific you have to look for or check on?" She asks him.

"Just make sure the general population's doing and transitioning fine, even if it's been three years. Nothing too complicated," Al replies with a shrug, putting his hand on her hip, of only to keep his act up.

"So, I don't have to tell you to be safe and come back alive?" she asks smile in her voice.

"No, but no matter the mission, if Ed went alone, he'd need to be told that every time," Al says with a grin.

"He did tend to pick trouble with the wrong people every time, didn't he?" Winry asks with a fond smile, thinking back on all the times she beat Ed with a wrench because he broke her automail.

"And rarely the right people," Al adds before checking his new pocket watch. "I need to get going if I'm gonna catch the train in time."

"Ok," Winry says sitting up on the counter and giving him a peck on the lips. "Love. Be safe."

Al smiles at her. " No promises." And with that he left the shop and set out for the train station.

**A/N:** god I just barely got 1000 words out of this chapter. I think the problem is Winry. I just can't write chapters where she's got a big role ugh. But this's the last chapter of that unless I do a sequel! Yayz! And I'm writing a one shot off of the dream in the last chappie. XD now, review, review, review! They makes mes happies!

Your loving author

~Evelynn


	7. Chapter 7

**Title**: Sweet Dreams

**Warnings:** if seems like Rosé's flirting with him, but really, I was just trying to portray motherly. ^^"

**Summary:** Ed commits suicide to fix a problem, leaving Al to fend for himself. No one knows what problem Ed killed himself to fix.

**Word Count: **1,071

**Solemn Deceit**

Al stands in front of the door for a few seconds before hesitantly knocking. He didn't know if Rosé still lived here or not, but if she didn't he could always ask where she moved to. She was social enough for most people to at least know her; she was, after all, the person that introduced him and Ed to everyone all those years ago. He waited in front of the door as he hear foot steps padding up to it. The door opens on Rosé's smiling face.

"Hello, may I help you?" she asks.

"Uh, this is awkward. You remember all those years ago when those two alchemists-Ed and Al-that came here all those years ago?" Al asks awkwardly. He forgot he wouldn't recognize him.

She opens the door all the way, smile dimming into a real, not forced, one. "Yeah, I remember them. Why?"

Al scratches his neck sheepishly. "Um....well, I'm Al. in my normal body." He offers a sheepish smile.

She blinks at him a few times, smile fading before looking him up and down. "I-If you're Al, where's Ed?" she asks.

Al puts on a small sad smile. "It's a long story. To put it simply, he's dead."

"Oh," She says softly, eyes downcast before she lifts her head again, standing to the side "Come in, I'll make some tea." Al nods and steps into the house, stepping out of his shoes as she closes the door and follows her into the kitchen, sitting at the island in the middle. He folds his hands on top of it staring down at them, thinking of his dream a few nights ago with Ed in it. Why had it felt so real...?

Rosé sets a steaming teacup in front of him, snapping him out of his reverie. He gives her a small smile before blowing on it some and taking a sip as she sits across from him at the island. "So..." She says quietly. "How'd he die?"

"Suicide," Al says only looking away slightly. It wasn't that he wasn't upset. It was just he'd had plenty enough time to cope-all the time he'd allow himself to.

"I'm sorry," Rosé says gently placing her hand on his for comfort. He smiles at her.

"It's okay, it's not your fault he did it. You know how he is, once he makes a decision you can't talk him out of it."

"But still, I'm sorry for your loss. Did he at least leave a note?" she asks.

Al pulls the note out of his back pocket and hands it to her, not ashamed of what was pointed out in his dream. She slowly unfolds and reads it. When she finishes, she folds it back up and gives it back to Al. "I'm sorry," she whispers quietly.

Al shakes his head. "I already said, there's nothing for you to be sorry for. You couldn't have prevented it, you didn't bring it on. Hell, you didn't even know he was considering it in the very least. You have nothing to be sorry for. Besides, I'm almost over it already." He offers a slight smile and Rosé lowers her gaze.

"I-I guess you're right," She says. "So, why're you here? It can't be anything like why you were here before, could it?" She asks trying to move to a lighter subject. But at the same time hoping Al was planning on making the same mistake they had with their mother.

"Well, in memory of Ed, I decided to become a State Alchemist and my first mission was to check up on Liore and make sure everything was still orderly after we ripped it apart a few years back," Al explains with a sheepish grin, remembering just what, exactly, Ed did. He never did grow up, but, he guessed, that was part of his charm.

"Ah," Rosé says. "That makes sense we've had people checking in occasionally. First time it's someone we know, though. You must've travelled far by train though. If you'd like you can spend the night in the guest room and I can re-introduce you to everybody tomorrow," She offers with a smile.

"That sounds great."

"Ok, I'll go put sheets on the bed," Rosé says standing up and walking to the door. Once in the doorway, she stops and looks over her shoulder at Al. "I must warn you though, there may, and most likely will, be some lingering grudges, Even after all these years. You guys had destroyed out one source of help and left us to pick up the pieces."

"I understand," Al replies lowering his gaze to his lap in shame. They had never meant it in a harsh way. But when all hope is lost and someone helps you through it, you become dependant on the person. Like the brothers had been. They left them to fend for themselves for their own good. But of course, most people wouldn't understand. Rosé nods and goes to the guest room to prep the bed. At the though, Al felt weary. Weather it was the train ride or the visit with Winry, he didn't know, but something had completely exhausted him, and he was very glad for Rosé's offer. He'd go to bed as soon as the bed was done being made.

He wanders into the room standing in the doorway, watching Rosé fix the bed, imagining it was his mother doing it, all those years ago. It was a nice sad thought.

"Oh, Al. Didn't expect you to be standing there," Rosé says with a start, in turn making Al jump as he was forced out of his thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, yeah," He says with a sheepish grin.

"If you don't mind, what were you thinking about?" she asks cocking her head to the side curiously.

"Oh, I was just remembering my mother when she'd change Ed's and my sheets. You kinda remind me of her sometimes." Al explains.

"I'll take that as a compliment." She says with a grin. "Anyway, you look tired. Go ahead, lay down. I'm done changing the bed."

"Thanks," Al says, stepping out of the doorway so Rosé could leave the room. She closes the door behind herself and Al flicks off the light as he passes it walking to the bed and collapsing on it, a few tears slipping from his eyes as he fell into the, not always kind, realm of sleep.

**A/N: **I just found a theme song for this fic. "Who Knew" by P!nk. I almost cry every time I listen to it, 'cause I can apply it to a past relationship of mine. I've always had trouble letting go TT**.**TT

as for the one shot, It's in progress, but it's coming slowly. I'll tell you when it's done. it'll be called Sweet Dreams

Anyways, happy new years! This fic only has 2 or 3 more chapters I'mma miss it...

Your (slightly emo) Author

~Evelynn


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: **Solemn Deceit.

**Warnings:** don't get your hopes up about ANYTHING! And keep this is mind the whole time you read, kay? Kay. And the unfamiliar name well, I had my brother pick it out randomly from a names book ^^"

**Summary:** Ed commits suicide to fix a problem, leaving Al to fend for himself. No one knows what problem Ed killed himself to fix.

**Word Count: **1,064

**Solemn Deceit**

Al woke up in an unfamiliar room and blinked twice before remembering that he was in Liore, sleeping in Rosé's guest room. He threw his legs over the side of the bed looking around. He looks down at himself, it the dim light that was filtering in through the blinds. His clothes were all wrinkled from sleep. He stood and smoothed down his clothes. He goes to the corner of the room and dons Ed's old coat. He had had another dream about Ed, but this one not to happy. If he was any less numb when it came to Ed, he'd be crying right now, in sadness and shock. Al pulls out his watch and looks at the times, surprised he slept all the way until noon.

He leaves the room, remembering there being a bathroom that they had passed on the way to his room. He steps into it, looking in the mirror. He sighs before running the water and washing the tear tracks off his face. Crying before going to sleep leaves your face a wreak, he needed to stop doing that.

He wanders out into the kitchen after he finished washing his face, to find Rosé sitting at the island staring at a picture in her hands. I walk over to her looking over her shoulder. "Was that him?" He asks studying the picture.

Rosé starts slightly and looks at Al before saying, "Yea, he was really sweet. It was really devastating when he died..."

"I'm sorry, that must've sucked so bad," Al says sympathy in his eyes as Rosé lays the picture down face first.

"It can't have hurt any worse than when Ed killed himself. For one Ed committed suicide and for two you guys spent your whole life together. He and I...we only knew each other for two years, compared to the, what, 17, years you guys knew each other and grew up," Rosé says with a slightly force smile before looking away. "Anyways, you look ready to head out. So let' go." She says smiling brightly as she stands and leads him to the doorway. Al just shrugs it off, it was a sore topic for both of them.

As they walk the streets, Al can't help but notice how the city hadn't changed much since the few years ago that he and Ed ripped apart their religion, hopes, and dreams. He still felt slightly bad about it. But if Rosé had forgiven him, it was fine in his book, she was the most devastated. Though she did say there were some people with lingering grudges, but he guessed he deserved that.

Rosé lead him to the little coffee bar down a couple of streets to introduce him t everyone there. After all, it was there everyone thought he was Fullmetal instead of Ed. But by the time it came in sight, Al was following her for a reason completely different than making sure everyone was handling fine. Sitting on one of the stools Al saw someone. Someone wearing long sleeves and gloves. Some with long blonde hair pulled back in a high ponytail. Someone short, though if you said it he'd probably scream at you. Someone who had been entering Al's dreams rather frequently. Someone Al had lost recently. In that stool sat the perfect replica of Ed.

Al barely heard Rose as she was introducing him to everybody. He merely nodded when he heard names. All he could see was this stranger that looked so much like Ed, he couldn't stand it. Could it possibly _be_ Ed? After all there was no body...... But no one'd be able to survive that much blood loss....right? The stranger turned, face blank and offered his hand. "I'm Roderick** (1)**" he says with a smile, but his eyes were still cold, dark and distant. The look was one Ed had had a few times.

Al took his hand and shook it saying, "I'm Al." He smiles sweetly, the smile that he only smiled when his brother had come back from a long trip. He saw Roderick flinch and look away, pulling his hand away. The blonde forces himself to look into Al's eyes and smile back.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," He says pleasantly with a polite nod.

"The pleasure's all mine," Al says returning the gesture. Roderick turns slightly to look at his pocket watch in his pocket. Al got a small glance but not enough to determine if it might've been Ed's.

"I need to get going, I'll see you around," He says putting a few bills on the table for his drink before nodding his good bye to everyone, and walking away, Al's eyes trail him until he was out of sight.

"He's only moved here just recently. Within the past week actually. It's amazing how much like Ed he looks," Rosé says with a sympathetic smile.

"Mm," Al nods, turning his gaze to his hands on the counter, quietly musing. If there had been no body there was a chance that maybe Roderick was really Ed. Roderick had moved here after Ed had committed suicide, so, if it wasn't Ed's blood splattered on the walls and bed and everywhere else then he'd still be a live, right? But then again it was way too late to test that blood since they cleaned it all up within two days of Ed's death. He guessed he shouldn't be getting his hopes up and sighs, his shoulders sagging.

Rosé slides her arm around his shoulders and squeezes real quick. "You'll get over it all soon, I promise."

"Says the pot to the kettle," Al murmurs and Rosé's arm falls from his shoulder.

"He had proposed the day before. You're mourning your brother, not a lover."

"Yeah," Al says dejectedly, "Sure." It might've been possible for Ed to be alive, but what were the chances that he'd move to Liore and that Al'd run into him. Ed was more careful than that, if he wanted away form Al, like he thought he did, then he would've at the very least, change his appearance and make sure if he saw Al to get away before Al saw him. So maybe....maybe there wasn't a chance....maybe. This was going to be a long day if he kept thinking about it, and he knew he would. Life just hated you sometimes.

**A/N: **you know, The Secret Life of Bees and a depressing ass movie. Neways, sorry I didn't get this up sooner, I got addicted to Final Fantasy IX (9) ^^"

Your Author

~Evelynn


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: **Solemn Deceit.

**Warnings:** lust and reminiscing? Hell if I know, nothing you should be worried about though

**Summary:** Ed commits suicide to fix a problem, leaving Al to fend for himself. No one knows what problem Ed killed himself to fix.

**Word Count: **1,088

**A/N: **wow....i got this out quickly. i transistioned straight after posting chapter eight a couple days ago to writing this. be proud of me ^^

**Solemn Deceit**

Al slowly transitions to awake, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He stands up, walking over to the light switch, flicking it with a yawn and stopping dead in the middle of the action upon seeing what was hanging on the door knob. He closes his mouth and kneels in front of the door, looking at the beautiful sliver thing in front of him. He reaches to touch it but stops mid-motion afraid touching it would make it go away. Eventually he manages to take it in one hand and open it with the other. There, in his hands, lay Ed's State alchemist watch. Engravings and all. He let it fall out of his hand and when it slightly thumped on the door he snapped out of his trance. He quickly throws on the clothes he had discarded when he went to bed (it was too warm to sleep fully clothed) and went back to the door, gently taking it off the knob and holding the watch to his heart, closing his eyes and tilting his head back as the chain swung slightly against the rest of his torso.

He pulls the door open, gathering the chain into his hand too. As he walks He replaces the watch he was given for the one that Ed had had. He was clipping the chain to his belt loop when he stepped into the kitchen.

"Did you see what was on your door?" Rosé asks with a smile. Al nods enthusiastically showing her the pocket watch. Her smile grows.

"It was hanging on the front door this morning. There was a knock but when I went to the door no one was there, I thought it was a prank, but as I was closing the door I saw the watch with a note on it. The note said to give it to you. Though it wasn't signed," Rosé explains.

A thought appears in Al's mind. Roderick had a pocket watch....right? and he didn't get a very good look at it before he put it back away and left....but it _was_ silver. So it could be....couldn't it? Al crossed his fingers in is pocket while he puts the watch back in. Why would Roderick even _have _Ed's state alchemist watch, anyways? Unless he was Ed....

"I'm gonna go out and wander, I'll be back....in a while." Al says, stomping on his shoes and swigging the red coat over his shoulders and pushing his arms through the sleeves. Rosé looked at the symbol on the back and smiled. It was Ed's, it was always nice to see how close the two were.

"Ok, don't be out too long though," she says sipping tea. Al nods and heads out.

Rosé had shown him the majority of the city yesterday and his legs were slightly sore form all the walking, though he just ignored it cause he'd have to do worse in the time he was a state alchemist. One of the things Rosé had shown him that fascinated him the most was what they had done with the church. The converted it into a sanctuary. It was a place you went to, just to wrap yourself in your thoughts and not let go for hours on end. It was like a library without all the books, it was just that deathly silent, and Al loved it. It was the perfect place for him to absorb in himself. He'd find a corner in a mostly empty room and let himself think of Ed all day. Maybe even let himself cry if there were few enough people.

Al comes upon the place, enters and heads straight to where he'd expect the least amount of people; the recording room. It was the room Ed had been in when exposing the "priest's" plans to the whole city Al was out side holding the bell. It was a room that even Rosé didn't enter completely when giving his tour, it was full of despair. Despair of what could've been if the priest's promises to them were true. It was a lonely room, and perfect for his mood.

He opened the door slowly, silently, only to find none other than Roderick standing on the balcony through the large full glass doors, wind blowing his loose hair. He looked the ideal person for a commercial right then. Any commercial. Al walked it, closing the door silently behind himself and leaned in the doorway, watching Roderick, remembering Ed, for he looked exactly like this when lost in thought on a balcony. He would always be messing with the hair tie for something to keep his hands busy with. Al smiled fondly as another breeze came by and swept his pony tail up too.

Ed and Roderick both looked very peaceful and beautiful standing in the wind, hair swept up, too deep in though to notice anything around them. Ed had always loved to go to the quietest places to think. Probably was too deep in thought to know he took his hair down and was playing with the hair tie. It was always so surreal that, the first couple of times Al saw it, he had to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. To see Roderick doing the exact same thing as Ed.....made Al's heart throb and throat clench tight with tears.

"Why'd he come to Liore? Why'd he even become a state alchemist? I wished him better than that. Hell why'd I leave him in the first place? I'm such a retard..." Al hears Roderick say quietly and his eyes shoot open. He turns on his heels and quickly walks out of the room, the door closing loudly behind him. Roderick whips his head around, Hair getting in his face. "Al...?"

Al continues to walk briskly towards the entrance of the building and out onto the street, only slowing to weave through people. He found himself back at Rosé's home and sighed. It was too early for him to be back. He sighs again and flops down on her porch, in one of the rocking chairs, curling into a fetal position. Sure he thought Roderick to be Ed, he honestly had. But now that he knew that he was right, it was a shock. He felt....betrayed. Ed was here all along but was hiding from everyone. Everything. And Al thought he had just been chasing a memory too hard. "But...I love you," he whispers as the wind sweeps his hair again and he lets a few tears fall down his face.

**A/N: ** omg, so I was reading over this chappie for editing purposes and when I read Rosé sipping her tea I remembered I had tea ^^"

well since I've already unraveled it, you know, from the beginning you could've figured out the plot from the title of the fic. Solemn Deceit. Solemn: gravely or somberly impressive; causing serious thoughts or a grave mood. Deceit: the act or practice of deceiving; concealment or distortion of the truth for the purpose of misleading; duplicity; fraud; cheating. Ed solemnly deceived Al. and no, the defs aren't because I think you're stupid. I like dictionaries and I figured I'd do anyone who's reading this and doesn't know what the words mean, a favor. So yeah. And you know.....Dark Soul of Shadows kinda had it in chappie two. She said-and I quote- "Also, I'm wondering is Ed really is dead. I know that he left a suicide note for Al telling him he was dead, but I'm still wondering. Ed isn't the person that would kill himself without a very good reason. So... I'm trying to figure that out." So ha! Pwn! ....I'll stop ranting now...

Your Author

~Evelynn


	10. Chapter 10

**Title**: Solemn Deceit

**Warnings:** Ugh. They sound like complete and utter saps at points. But that tends to happen when you love someone and you're afraid they may hate you. I know from experience.

**Summary:** Ed commits suicide to fix a problem, leaving Al to fend for himself. No one knows what problem Ed killed himself to fix.

**Word Count:** 1,756

**A/N: **OMG...! this be the last chappie! ....if you can't tell by the length, it's almost twice as long as the others. Neways I'mma be writing a squeal (it'll be up when I get a chance) called "The Eighth Deadly Sin" so watch for it if you liked this fic!

**Solemn Deceit**

Al had almost cried himself to sleep, gently rocking himself back and forth in the rocking chair, crying silently. But he was aware enough to know Rosé hadn't left the house. So when a shadow was cast over him, he had to look up to see who it was, and upon doing so he quickly averted his eyes, chocked back the rest of his tears and felt guilty.

"R-Roderick," Al said though it was almost a whisper for he didn't trust his voice all that much.

The blonde sighs, bows his head, and closes his eyes. "You know that's not my real name," He says quietly.

Al shakes his head in denial. "No. No, no, no. you died. You died and left me. You _killed yourself_ and left me. You can't be here. No. no you can't." He was more of trying to convince himself than the elder boy in front of him. There was no way Ed could be alive.....right? right. There was simply too much blood all over that room for anyone to survive. And that's a fact. Unless....no, that couldn't be.

Ed sighs again, and walks over to the edge of the porch leaning against the banister. "You know, breezy spring days were always good, almost better than breezy fall days," He says before turning and offering his hand to the younger of the two, with a soft smile. "Join me in watching the scenery while I collect my thoughts?"

Phrased like that, Al couldn't say no. It was exactly like Ed. Whenever Al was feeling down or lonely, Ed would always take something small, make it beautiful and ask Al to take part in the viewing. It was a wonderful talent. Al slowly uncurls himself, placing his hand in Ed's. The soft smile on the blonde's face grew as he gently helped Al out of the chair and pulled him over to the banister. Al couldn't help but lean into him, and instantly he felt slightly better. Ed slowly wrapped his arm around Al's waist, the brunette leaning his head on the blonde's shoulder, and Ed leaning his head on Al's. The moment was perfect.

"Would...would you believe me if I said I was sorry?" Ed asks, a gentle whisper as he kisses the younger's head.

Al moves so the next kiss was on his cheek next to his mouth and Ed moved his free arm around the other side of Al's waist. "Mmm, yeah," he moans softly, half out of it already. Oh how he had missed his brother.

Ed moves his face back just far enough to look Al in the eye and say, "I'm sorry" before he crashed his lips down on the brunette's who responded just a hungrily. Al pushed himself so close to his brother that the only way to be closer was to be inside of him. When air became an issue, though, Al pushed away slightly, his hand's still on Ed's chest and Ed's hands on his hips. Al lowers his gaze slightly.

"What's wrong?" Ed asks concern coloring his voice.

"You...You just can't be real." Al looks up at his brother, unshed tears shinning in his eyes. "The last time I saw you I woke up." Al starts shaking his head almost in denial. "you can't be here, this has to be a dream."

"But I am here and this isn't a dream." Ed says soothingly.

"But how?" Al asks desperately. He needed proof that he was actually here and wouldn't leave again. That he'd come home with him and they'd be the brothers they once were. And that, maybe, they could be more. But he didn't want to get his hopes up about a dream again. He's done it every night since Ed's death. Made it so hard to let go. And now, Ed was suddenly here again, as if by magic.

Ed bows his head slightly before raising it again. "Would it be at all possible for me to explain it inside?" he asks. Al nods and breaks the embrace, but holding hands. He was afraid if he let go, Ed may disappear and he'd wake up all alone again. He didn't want that to happen.

Al pushes open the door. "Rosé! I've got a visitor. I'mma bring him to my room, kay?" He calls not knowing where exactly she was.

"Okay! I'll make tea for you guys in a second," She call back and al drags him to the back room, forcing him down on the bed as he closed the door behind them. He then sits so close to Ed that their hips were touching, hands on his lap.

"Explain," The brunette commands looking down at his hands for looking at Ed for an extended period of time would give him a crick in his neck and he had no better place to look.

"Well," Ed runs a hand over his face. "Okay. I had been....thinking about and considering this for a while before any remote form of action on it. I had known I loved you more than jut a brother and when we got your body back it wasn't just love anymore, it was lust too. It was so bad I ached with it, yearned for your touch-to touch you." Ed had his hands out in front of him, palms up, staring at them like someone who killed someone unknowingly would do. He slowly shook his head before continuing.

"It was unnerving. I mean you're not supposed to feel that way about your brother at all! It was gross, vile, disgusting....yet somehow that seemed to make it more beautiful. Finally, I knew something had to be done or I may do something I'd regret later. That we'd regret later. So I started getting needles and bags and bleeding myself like they do in the doctors office, storing blood anywhere. I bleed myself as much as I could as frequently as I could, being able to push the feeling away slightly at the notion of being away from you soon. Now mind you, I didn't want to go away because of _you_ I wanted to go away because I was scared of what I'd do. I considered plenty of times, before and after I started storing blood, about just telling you and that maybe it wouldn't be as horrid a thought to you. I always managed to talk myself out of it."

There was a slight knock on the door and Al stood up. He opened the door and Rosé smiled at him two cups of tea and a pot on a tray. Al steps to the side, returning the smile and letting her in to set the tea down on the nightstand. She stops a few steps into the room. "Oh Roderick, it's nice to see you," she says politely before moving and setting the tray down.

"Likewise," The blonde replies with a forced half smile. Rosé nods before leaving the two to their conversation carefully shutting the door behind her. Al sits down on the bed again but further from Ed this time and at a slant so his body was facing him, but his gaze was on the floor.

"Anyway, it came the day I had plenty of blood and needed no more. I waited until you were asleep, splattered blood all over my room, threw it against the walls on the bed spilling it on the floor, I made sure it got everywhere. I wrote the note and left it untouched on my nightstand, making it seem as much like suicide as I possibly could before I silently slipped out and ran away." Ed stopped and sighed putting his forehead in his hand, elbow resting on his thigh. "As you can tell, I ran here, though up an alias and ran with it. It was perfect, flawless. Until I saw you."

"You always had the ability to make me bend over backwards for anything you'd want or need and just seeing you surprised me. To see that delicate silver chain hanging from your pocket, my coat on your shoulders. It was painful how much like me you were becoming. All I had wanted was to get away from my feeling for you and then you came into town, raining on my parade..." Ed chuckled there. A dark menacing sound before he sighed again. "You always knew how to throw my world upside down," He whispered.

"Is it," Al tries to choke his question around the tears trying to suffocate him, "Is it really that horrible?" He lifts his head to look at Ed one stray tear falling form his eye, the rest shinning in his eyes. Ed could only look at him for a moment before looking away.

"Yes," He whispers, "Yes it is." Al catches his breath and more tears force their way out his eyes. This wasn't happening...right?

"But," Ed continues "After I saw you yesterday. After I saw that raw pain, need in your eyes I decided I don't care." The blonde lifts his head and looks at his brother again. "Al, I love you, I really do. This is one sin you don't have to forgive me of, just having your love, be it brotherly, less, or more, will be more than enough for me."

Al has to swallow twice before he can talk. "Forgiveness.....may take some time. But brother....why couldn't you have just told me? It would've saved this whole mess."

Ed looks away again before quickly meeting Al's eyes and keeping eyes contact as he says, "I was ashamed. Scared of what I may do to you."

Al closes his eyes, takes a deep breath before opening them again. But he didn't look at Ed, he couldn't. instead he took one of the tea cups and started drinking. It was still only this side of two hot, but he needed a distraction. He was mad but he loved his brother in the same way that he loved him. It was all just so confusing. He decided to just forget it. Let it play out. He wouldn't try to understand it anymore today. Al sets the cup down still looking at it while he whispers, "If you love me, then show me."

Ed blinks startled. "What now?"

"If you love me, prove it to me, show me," Al says, trying to keep desperation from his tone. The next instant he was pushed against the headboard, mouth captured by his brother's.

Maybe, just maybe, this could end on a good note.

**A/N: **and thus it ends. –sniffles- anyways, my dad's gonna try and fix my laptop this weekend so you may be getting a lot more elricest from me if he manages to get it fixed. Also, I said the squeal was gonna be titled "The Eighth Deadly Sin" but idk if I'm completely sure about that. Just watch out for a fic with a title/summary about the deadly sins. And if you want a PM when it gets up tell me. Neways. Until then, I'mma miss you guys! Much love!

Your Author

~Evelynn


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